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When People Marry or Divorce for the Wrong Reasons

By July 30, 2014Blog

Yes, divorce rates are high in our society but the majority of us still have a goal to be married to someone for the rest of our lives.  Why then, given the natural drive we still have in the 21st century to get married, do so many marriages fail?

We hear all about the obvious failings such as adultery, lack of communication, lack of time together (due to having kids or work commitments), drug/alcohol addiction, trauma of some sort, difficult in-laws, financial strain, etc.  Whilst these are some of the very real reasons some marriages end in divorce, these two factors are often repeatedly neglected in the divorce discourses:

  • some people marry for the wrong reasons;
  • some people divorce for the wrong reasons.

Understanding that your parents’ divorce after 25 years of a seemingly happy marriage was due to them having married for the wrong reasons in the first place can feel counter intuitive, but sometimes it’s the main reason couples divorce after many long years of marriage.

Watching friends get divorced because they have gone through a rough patch in their marriage for the past 18 months might seem understandable but what if overcoming that challenge would have led them to a tighter, more loving bond had they not divorced?

In the modern day it is so easy to get married and so easy to get divorced that we can easily do either for the wrong reasons.  Add to that the subtle societal pressure to get married or be deemed a failure of sorts (because nobody was willing to commit to being your teammate for life) and we can see how judgement can also become clouded due to such perceived pressure.

10 Wrong Reasons to Get Married

  1. All your friends are getting married.
  2. You’re getting old.
  3. You want to have a child within wedlock with anyone.
  4. He’s wealthy.
  5. You can be a lady of leisure if you marry Mr X.
  6. You’ve been dating for years and so it’s “the natural next step”.
  7. Others (e.g. friends, family, society) expect you to marry Mr X.
  8. You would (both be) better off financially if you got married and lived together.
  9. They are the only person to have asked you, ever.
  10. Your partner is a good person.

10 Wrong Reasons to Get Divorced (Instead of Finding Successful Solutions)

  1. You’ve hit a bad patch and you’re fed up of arguing.
  2. You really want to divorce the in-laws rather than your spouse.
  3. Your spouse is struggling with a temporary drug addiction or mental illness.
  4. You are struggling with a temporary drug addiction or mental illness.
  5. You are feeling bored in the marriage.
  6. You both like doing different things as you’ve now developed different interests.
  7. You’ve got a crush on the nanny or a work colleague and you think this means you don’t love your spouse anymore.
  8. Divorce feels easier than confronting the real underlying issues.
  9. You think the grass is greener on the other side.
  10. Your sex life has hit a blip and isn’t as satisfying as you want it to be.

Don’t let divorce rates lead you to believe that the institution of marriage is now flawed in some way.  It’s not.  It’s about the mindset you both have going into marriage, the mindset you both have throughout the marriage and the mindset you both have during the challenges.

I’ll leave you with this fantastic quote…”Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can’t live without.”  James Dobson

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