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Relationship Complacency and 7 Tips for Prevention

By December 4, 2012Blog
relationships and complacency

At the beginning of a fantastic new relationship, you love every little thing about your partner; from their cute toes to how they sleep to how they put their arm around you and give you a squeeze just because they find you so adorable.

You appreciate the smallest gestures as does your partner and you are both incredibly attentive, immersing yourself in making the other person happy.  It doesn’t matter how busy you are, stressed with work you are, how much money you do or don’t have or how tired you are – you are so appreciative of your new partner that you frequently remind them so.

Then, unfortunately, some people forget that they need to remember their gratitude for having this person in their life and, furthermore, forget to demonstrate this gratitude to them.  For some this happens after a few years, for others after a decade or so of being together.  The fact is, whenever you let your complacency kick in, you unknowingly welcome the demise of your once wonderful relationship.

I cannot imagine a life without my husband.  Perhaps you cannot imagine a life without your partner, either.  So why then, have you let things unravel?

Does the grass look greener on the other side of the fence?  It usually isn’t, you just can’t see the weeds on that side from where you’re perched.

Do you hear lots of stories from other people about how great their relationship with their partner is?  Maybe it is in their eyes but you don’t know their point of reference, therefore, you don’t know how what they deem to be great is the same as what you deem to be great.  Even if you did, you have no way of knowing exactly what goes on behind their closed doors.  The reality may be different.

Do you think that your partner no longer cares to see you as an attractive being?  Of course they do.  You can be yourself, wear unflattering clothes, have unkempt hair and neglect shaving regularly but sometimes you still need to let that person’s heart skip a beat with sexual attraction.

Do you not bother to spend quality time together anymore?  What will that achieve?  There isn’t a single relationship in the world that doesn’t need quality one-on-one time if it is to be nurtured for a long lasting relationship.

Do you still kiss each other and touch each other?  Research suggests that human touch results in the release of hormones such as DHEA, as well as endorphins, which results in a longer life expectancy and better mental health, respectively.  Therefore, there is something very magical about human touch and its effects on physical and mental health!

Do you frequently tell each other “I love you”?  Frequently being told someone loves you or telling someone that you love them only reinforces your loving, appreciative relationship on a regular basis.

Do you consistently show your gratitude?  Do you still show or verbalise your gratitude for all the things that your partner does that you appreciate?  Do you demonstrate how grateful you are for the fact that your partner helps out around the house, or helps out with the kids, or does things for you that you struggle to do yourself or does things to make life easier for you as a couple or does things simply to show you that he/she cares?  Don’t sweat it if you’ve neglected to do so recently, just start showing more gratitude from this point on.

Lots of people fall into the complacency trap.  There is no guarantee that your partner will stay with you and/or be happy with you, if you don’t kill the complacency and start recreating a loving, appreciative relationship again.

Join the discussion 2 Comments

  • francine says:

    Hi sam , I,m in need of advice but i have no money at the moment , i have purchased your book the other day and have started to read it . Hopefully i will able to help my situation with just the help of yr book . I am had a troubled life from a young age and have had to get through alot for my age, i try to keep myself looking forward to hopefully getting a better life but has life it seems there is just another battle to pull myself through . Your book is helping me understand things slowly and your news letter has it almost feel not as alone as i did . I am hoping to be able to save in the future to have some sessions with you , i just wanted to say how greatful i am to have your free tips to keep me going . Kind regards francine

    • Sam says:

      Hello Francine,

      So sweet of you to take the time out to send me your warm thoughts. Very much appreciated! I am glad the newsletter and book are helping you. I am sad to hear of your challenges in life and wish you all the happiness in the world. For more daily inspiration and tips, you can check out my Facebook page and Twitter feed. Speak soon!