I’ve known lots of people in marriages where they have fallen out of love with each other and are either plodding along, having affairs, considering divorce, considering a dull life together or have their head buried in the sand. I’ve also know of plenty of people who have ended up divorcing more than once because they repeat the same negative behaviours in more than one romantic relationship. What is it about the fence that makes people think the grass is always greener on the other side?
If you want to know how to find love again – whether after divorce in preparation for your future love, or whether you want to save your marriage or relationship – below are five top tips that are vital for finding love and reigniting that bond again.
Tip 1 – Have resolve to make the relationship work
If you want to water your own side of the fence, decide how desperately you want to make the marriage work. If you ‘re not bothered about saving marriage, you may as well contact a solicitor to get the ball rolling. You’re not going to achieve your ideal marriage without the resolve to achieve it.
Tip 2 – Get in touch with the feelings
Understand what sorts of thoughts create those feelings within you. Think about where those thoughts come from and whether they are justified when you look at the whole picture. For example, I often find that people get so caught up in the bickering about small things that they forget to evaluate what’s really causing the arguments. No, you’re not just arguing with him/her because he/she is acting like an annoying idiot, you’re arguing because you have both lost sight of what you’re really craving from the relationship. It could be respect, equality, a sense of friendship, spontaneity, consideration, love, communication, or something else. Whatever it is, you’re not getting it and you’re not going to get it by failing to address it.
Tip 3 – Be honest with yourself
Are you accepting of blame where blame is due or are you passing the blame to someone else? As I mention in my book, the pain of facing up to your mistakes is far less painful than living a life affected by them. You will never improve your troubled relationship and life experience without acknowledging your faults and doing something to eliminate them from your life.
Tip 4 – Spend quality time with your spouse or partner
Whenever possible, spend quality time doing something with your spouse or partner that reaffirms love within the relationship, on a weekly basis. Your habits produce your results, not single random acts. Therefore, you have to make a regular habit of acting like a real happy couple, being appreciative of one other, being thoughtful towards each other, being affectionate with one another, being intimate with each other.
Tip 5 – Start goal setting together
Clarify and discuss the things that you would each like present in your marriage or relationship. Get excited about your future together by creating a clear vision of what that future looks, sounds, and feels like. Know what you want and need from the relationship and what your partner wants and needs, and be sure that they know your wants and needs, too! Only then can you work proactively at creating a happy, healthy, successful relationship.