My clients will tell you that I often talk about relationship habits, habits that help or hinder our relationships, our self-esteem and our happiness.
If I told you that your relationships are happy or miserable, tense or relaxed, passionate or cold, loving or empty, because of the daily habits of those concerned, would you believe me? You might think that is too simplistic, however, let’s have a think about it.
Everything we do has a cumulative effect on how we perceive and experience our relationships. Your relationships are in the state they are in right now, not because of something that happened yesterday, but because of patterns that have been occurring for quite some time. Let’s look at some examples.
If you consistently fail to communicate daily (or weekly) about the small issues that bother you and could easily be rectified, over time they will remain unresolved, maybe get worse and feel like much bigger problems and usually begin to irritate you.
You’ll begin to feel increasingly negative about the other person and all because you haven’t communicated your desires and needs to them. Suddenly, relatively insignificant issues have become a crack in your relationship and then other “issues” begin to fall into this crack, deepening it and your relationship dissatisfaction.
What if you don’t kiss your partner on the lips daily in a sincere meaningful way? A kiss on the lips is one of the most simple, quick ways to build daily intimacy into a romantic relationship.
As couples stop engaging in this one simple habit, over time they tend to become less inclined to hold hands or cuddle or even touch each other physically. Intimacy decreases and then so does their sexual feeling for their partner. This can and often does lead to a very lacking sex life and then the relationship becomes more of a friendship than marriage or partnership.
We cannot underestimate the importance of incorporating a daily habit of intimacy in order to maintain long-term passion.
If you bicker about things on a daily basis, over time you will associate your partner with negativity in your life, things like stress, tension, anger, frustration, etc.
Very often, we bicker and argue because of misunderstandings or fears or because we are dragging the past into the present or because we have difficulty in expressing what we really want to say and so end up arguing instead of talking.
Letting our mouths run off before fully processing things when we feel calmer and better able to think clearly is again a habit that people get into. Often we fall into this argumentative trap because we have gotten too comfortable with someone and forget that we still need to be respectful and compassionate towards them as we would have been in the early days of that relationship.
Which negative daily habits do you indulge in?
If you’re having relationship problems with someone (partner, family, friend, colleague, etc), you’ll notice that there are a few negative patterns that you both play a part in. Those negative patterns come from your daily habits. There is nothing complicated about this, it’s just about being mindful, being self-aware, being awake instead of trawling from day to day on auto-pilot.
What are the daily habits that are creating discontent in your relationship?
- Lack of proper communication?
- Negative communication?
- Lack of physical touch and intimacy?
- Lack of loving gestures?
- Lack of empathy?
- Lack of drive and motivation?
- Lack of hopefulness?
- Lack of quality time together?
- Lack of money management?
- Lack of fun and laughter?
- Lack of support for one another?
- Lack of spirituality?
- Lack of a social life (together or separate)?
- Lack of free time, “me-time”?
There is nothing on this list that is new. These are problems that affect modern day relationships all the time; these are the factors that lead to divorce, break-ups, family battles, friendship problems, and spouses living as housemates.
How can you alter them in order to change the outcome you’re currently receiving? The smallest alteration in daily habits, repeated consistently over time, will have a profound effect on the relationship.
Don’t overestimate the value of big gestures and don’t underestimate the necessity of small positive daily relationship habits. The latter is what makes successful relationships amazing and you can have amazing relationships by releasing negative habits that are wrecking your relationship and adopting good ones instead. It’s a choice; your choice.