Self-Worth And Self-Care Have To Come First
If we were to split the relationships in your social networks (online and offline) into two groups, you could roughly categorise them as positive relationships and negative relationships.
And from that you could see whether you want to ‘nurture, pause or prune’ those relationships. Positive relationships you’ll want to nurture; negative ones, pause or prune (distance or end, respectively).
Nurture those relationships where the other person makes you feel genuinely cared for, loved, noticed, and valued, amongst other things.
These good people in your life, real friends rather than frenemies – whether siblings, friends, parents, or other family members – are important for your balance, your sanity, your progress, and your healthy self-worth and self-image.
And then pause or prune those in your social network that are really out to get you.
As with clients, these toxic intruders could be someone you’ve just been on a few dates with, an ex-partner, a soon-to-be ex-partner, in your friendship circle, or a member of your family or extended family.
Even the once valued member of inner circles can sometimes, seemingly suddenly become your frenemy.
And you may have noticed that this frenemy is demonstrating narcissistic traits.
Narcissism is rife. And social media is partly responsible for its increase [1].
Narcissism And Aggression Go Hand-In-Hand
Narcissists can be hurtful, vindictive, sadistic and dangerous.
In a review of 437 studies totalling 123,043 participants, researchers uncovered:
- a link between narcissism and aggression in both ‘normal’ and ‘pathological’ narcissism,
- in males and females,
- in all age groups,
- from both individualistic and collectivistic countries,
- in students and non-students [2].
They also found narcissism was related to all forms of aggression:
- direct, indirect, displaced, physical, verbal, and bullying;
- and both reactive and proactive aggression.
That’s very telling.
So, yes, trying to extract yourself from a narcissistic relationship, online or offline, does require a delicate dance.
Narcissists Are Great At Deception
Researchers have also discovered – and this explains so much of a narcissist’s ability to deceive the world – that whilst those with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), i.e. clinical/pathological narcissism, lack affective empathy (feeling the emotion of empathy), they can still engage in cognitive empathy [3].
In other words they can think about what an empathic response would be in a given situation, and are thus able to feign empathy with their words and gestures in front of others, even when they don’t actually feel empathy inside.
As the researchers put it: ‘People affected by NPD show specific issues in empathy, but those difficulties are limited to its affective part. In fact, the cognitive portion seems preserved and essential for manipulative skill and exploitation of others.’
Take Charge Of Where Your Headed
There’s a great quote I came across some weeks ago:
‘Make sure everybody in your boat is rowing and not drilling holes when you’re not looking.’
Indeed!
So, whether you’re being hurt, hindered, or outright sabotaged by narcissistic people in your life, here is a list of daily reminders to help you stay balanced, aware, and as mentally healthy as possible; and escape the narcissistic relationship should you decide to.
48 Psychological Reminders For Narcissistic Relationships
1. You are not what they repeatedly accuse you of being.
2. True love isn’t putting someone down.
3. Coercion is a form of aggression, each time they use it they are holding you hostage.
4. Narcissists wear a mask very well and when it falls they quickly pick it up again.
5. Maintaining daily self-care is of utmost importance right now.
6. The unpleasant sides you see in the narcissist are who they really are.
7. Narcissists don’t find people special, they find them advantageous.
8. Dishonesty is a hallmark of the narcissistic personality.
9. Narcissists usually get worse over time, even if you shower them with love.
10. Being psychologically abused is not your fault and it is not your shame.
11. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.
12. You are more resilient than you realise. That’s how you’ve withstood their games.
13. Narcissists will try to subtly diminish your achievements and worth. Don’t let them.
14. The daily manipulation is a reflection of them not you.
15. The kinder you are, the more you’ll have made excuses for their darkness.
16. Narcissists are great at mimicking ‘normal’ human behaviour, that’s how they fool people.
17. The lack of consistency in their kindness is why your relationship is confusing.
18. You are worthy of real love and good fortune.
19. Toxic relationships unravel your mental health so slowly which is why it takes a long time to notice it.
20. Be kind to yourself regardless of what they say to you about who you are.
21. Narcissists will create a false narrative about you to deflect attention from their bad deeds.
22. For narcissists, gaslighting, coercion, and adultery are much easier than self-reflection.
23. No matter how much you love a narcissist, they won’t be able to love you back (the same).
24. You can’t reason with a narcissist when they are unwilling to accept their faults.
25. Playing a victim is part of the narcissist’s abuse cycle.
26. Not all narcissists had a bad childhood, some were overly praised.
27. Real friends help you to reinstate your self-image when it’s been distorted.
28. Narcissists see everyone as a means to an end. You just can’t see it at first.
29. Narcissists only care about themselves, they’re not even capable of truly loving their own children.
30. There is no bigger blessing than people revealing who they really are. Stay strong.
31. A difficult childhood doesn’t give anyone the right to treat you badly.
32. People who make us feel safe don’t make us feel afraid to speak up.
33. The narcissistic abuse cycle is a mixture of nice and nasty, with nasty episodes increasing over time.
34. You can’t win an argument when they’re gaslighting, even if you are 100% right.
35. A narcissist’s brain is different to a ‘healthy’ brain so reasoning with them can be futile.
36. Silence is sometimes the best response. Trust yourself to know when.
37. You are smart, you are kind, and you deserve to be treated well.
38. Narcissists engage in role play as though that is who they are.
39. Narcissists will level false accusations at anyone who gets in the way of their games.
40. If they were confident in their accusations, they wouldn’t need to add aggression.
41. Narcissists are not who they pretend to be when you first get to know them.
42. Subtle digs at you aren’t a form of humour.
43. Narcissists will create fake stories about you to make themselves feel better about themselves.
44. Narcissists have a few tricks they use on repeat to coerce and oppress others.
45. They will use you for personal gains whilst also abusing you.
46. When they try to humiliate you in front of others, they are actually humiliating themselves.
47. Inconsistent love is not love.
48. If you decide to leave, the people who truly care for you, will support you.
Preview/Download Colourful Cards For All 48 Psychological Reminders For Narcissistic Relationships
You Can Handle This
Everything is going to be alright, just look after yourself and decide which relationships to nurture, pause or prune.
Safeguard your social network and you’ll safeguard everything else, from your health, to your focus, energy, relationships, wellbeing, and life goals.
And I saw another quote some weeks back that I think you’ll enjoy:
‘You will never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.’
References
1. Reed, P., Bircek, N. I., Osborne, L. A., Viganò, C., & Truzoli, R. (2018). Visual Social Media Use Moderates the Relationship between Initial Problematic Internet Use and Later Narcissism. The Open Psychology Journal, 11(1):163 DOI: 10.2174/1874350101811010163
2. Kjærvik, S. L., & Bushman, B. J. (2021). The link between narcissism and aggression: A meta-analytic review. Psychological Bulletin, 147(5), 477–503. https://doi.org/10.1037/bul0000323
3. di Giacomo, E., Andreini, E., Lorusso, O., & Clerici, M. (2023). The dark side of empathy in narcissistic personality disorder. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 14, 1074558. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1074558
