Habitual Confident Behaviours & Habitual Insecure Behaviours Shape Our Life
Whilst we hear “fake it ‘til you make it”, and there are solid research reasons for doing so, there is a fine line between confident behaviours and arrogant behaviours, showing the world your confidence and screaming to the world that you are actually feeling insecure. In fact, scratch that, it’s not a fine line; it’s a big, fat, chunky line.
A big factor nowadays is that social media indirectly encourages many of us to have an external locus of identity, however, healthy, confident people have an internal locus of identity. In other words, those who are mentally healthy and confident don’t need to seek out self-worth boosts and assurances from external sources, they don’t need daily reinforcement from others of their worth. Healthy, confident people know their worth internally and channel their time, energy and focus in more fruitful directions.
Of course, it’s more than just social media, though. Confident and insecure people are constantly bombarded with information from the digital world and the real world that test their internal resilience and sense of self-worth. When we look at other people’s achievements, whether people we know or people from “out there”, we are forced to look at ourselves and our own achievements; how we engage in this process will propel us to feel confident or insecure.
Furthermore, how we behave towards others also helps us to feel confident or insecure, although ironically, the insecure person may believe that his/her behaviours will have the opposite effect.
Then of course there is how we treat ourselves which is at the heart of all insecurity problems, above and beyond the messages we have absorbed about our worth from our childhood, and adolescence. How we treat ourselves reinforces our worth, and as such, makes us feel increasingly confident or increasingly insecure.
How Confident People Behave Vs. How Insecure People Behave
So how do confident people behave and how do insecure people behave? Going back to the “act as if” principle, the “fake it ‘til you make it” approach, if you emulate the behaviours of confident people, you will help yourself to become confident. The inverse is also true; if you frequently indulge the behaviours of the insecure and lacking in self-worth, you will reinforce your insecurities, your low sense of self-worth. Want to know why? In very simple terms, because we (a) wire and rewire our brain with the things we habitually do meaning we can create new “blueprints” to work to all the time and because we can (b) manipulate our emotions and our emotions influence our behaviours which influence the outcomes we get in life. It’s up to you whether you leave your brain and body on auto-pilot or whether you take the controls.
So, let’s look at the differences between 25 confident behaviours and 25 insecure behaviours. Identify which behaviours you indulge frequently so that you can see if your behaviours are making you feel stuck in insecurity and low self-worth or creating an internally peaceful, confident existence.
- Confident behaviour: Compare themselves to their past self
- Insecure behaviour: Compare themselves to others
- Confident behaviour: Talk about their worth
- Insecure behaviour: Talk about their lack of worth
- Confident behaviour: Think they are worthy of good fortune
- Insecure behaviour: Think they don’t deserve good fortune
- Confident behaviour: Think good things will happen to them
- Insecure behaviour: Think good things won’t happen to them
- Confident behaviour: Think they will find fulfilling, romantic love
- Insecure behaviour: Think they will never find fulfilling, romantic love
- Confident behaviour: Maintain good personal cleanliness
- Insecure behaviour: Maintain poor personal cleanliness
- Confident behaviour: Live in environmental cleanliness
- Insecure behaviour: Live in environmental dirt
- Confident behaviour: Frequently wear clothing of a reasonable standard
- Insecure behaviour: Frequently wear clothing of a poor standard
- Confident behaviour: Maintain self-respect
- Insecure behaviour: Lack self-respect
- Confident behaviour: Acknowledge their mistakes to themselves and others
- Insecure behaviour: Deny their mistakes to themselves and others
- Confident behaviour: Behave humbly with others
- Insecure behaviour: Behave arrogantly with others
- Confident behaviour: Endeavour to empathise with others
- Insecure behaviour: Can struggle or refuse to empathise with others
- Confident behaviour: Frequently experience mental stillness
- Insecure behaviour: Frequently experience mental uneasiness
- Confident behaviour: Tell themselves they feel happy
- Insecure behaviour: Repeatedly protest their happiness to others
- Confident behaviour: Live their life in the moment without the need to brag about most of it
- Insecure behaviour: Live their life through the eyes of others, feeling the need to brag about much of it
- Confident behaviour: Tend to manage disagreements with empathy and grace
- Insecure behaviour: Tend to manage disagreements with unrelenting lack of empathy and grace
- Confident behaviour: Try to have self-control
- Insecure behaviour: Try to control others
- Confident behaviour: Do not focus energy on creating problems for others
- Insecure behaviour: Can focus energy on creating problems for others
- Confident behaviour: Have healthy love for others as they do for themselves
- Insecure behaviour: Struggle to have healthy love for others as they struggle to for themselves
- Confident behaviour: Steadily grow in several areas of life
- Insecure behaviour: Become stagnant in several areas of life
- Confident behaviour: Tend to evaluate their opinions alongside those of others and then follow their intuition
- Insecure behaviour: Tend to favour the opinions of others over their own and can abandon their intuition
- Confident behaviour: A propensity to be optimistic
- Insecure behaviour: A propensity to be pessimistic
- Confident behaviour: Have self-belief
- Insecure behaviour: Lack self-belief
- Confident behaviour: A willingness to take on challenges
- Insecure behaviour: A reluctance to take on challenges
- Confident behaviour: Are able to be compassionate with others as they are with themselves
- Insecure behaviour: Struggle to be compassionate with others as they struggle to with themselves
Remember, it’s better to identify that we are behaving confidently or behaving insecurely so that we realise that as we change the behaviours we repeatedly indulge, we change ourselves. Your life is a reflection of your behaviours to date. Where you go from here is entirely up to you, and determined by the habits you choose from this point on.