After my latest stint on BBC Radio Scotland, it made sense that I provide my blog fans with some real, tested tips for getting over a divorce.
Divorce is horrible, especially when it was your partner that called time on the relationship. The life you once thought you were going to have is no longer on the cards. Suddenly you’re left with a gaping hole, confusion, worry about your future, worry about having more children, worry about finances, lowered self-esteem and self-confidence and, sometimes, declining self-love.
There are some key elements of the process that will help you to move on from divorce quickly. I will briefly cover the key points here and then go into much more detail in my forthcoming articles.
Get out of denial and get in touch with the reality
You are (most likely) not going to get your ex back and you do need to start creating your new life; the sooner, the better. By getting in touch with the emotions, you can feel the pain and then use that to inspire you to do things to move you away from the pain and towards happiness in a new life.
Write in a journal to help you get clear, get in touch with the emotions, and ultimately move on
By writing down your feelings, you can find it easier to reflect on what’s going on internally as you then have to put words to your experience. Getting in touch with the feelings allows you to grieve and then move forward.
Rebuild self-confidence, self-worth and self-love
You need to make an effort with yourself, your appearance and your social network.
As difficult as it can be when you don’t want to meet people, being around loved ones can help, even if you don’t realise instantly that it is.
Making an effort with your appearance, even if you’re going to sit at home or in bed, can still make you feel better, especially when you catch your reflection in a mirror.
Use affirmations and visualisations
Instead of mulling over the past with vivid imagery and imaging him/her playing happy families with another woman/man, imagine you playing happy families with someone else; if that’s a stretch too far just yet, imagine yourself being happy as a singleton getting sexual attention from others.
Instead of telling yourself that you are ugly, stupid, fat, a marriage wrecker, or whatever your chastising yourself with, use positive affirmations (positive statements about yourself stated in the present tense) that empower you and make you feel good about yourself.
Be happy within your own company
You might be alone for a little while, not only should you learn to get used to it, learn to love it. Learn to love your own company, it’s one of the healthiest things for a person and it’s what well developed adults do. If you can enjoy your own company, you will have a better relationship with the partner you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.
Find out who you are now, your “inner you”
When you spend some quality time with yourself, AKA “me-time”, you will learn a great deal more about you: what makes you happy, what makes you unhappy; what you’re willing to put up with in relationships and in life; what sort of career you want; how best to spend your free time; what new skills you could learn which will really add to your life, your self-esteem, and your happiness.