If I told you that I hypnotise my husband, daily, into being the ideal spouse, what would you think? Of course, I don’t hypnotise him but we are all programming our partners’ minds with either something positive or negative on a daily basis.
The words we use embed commands, if you like, in the minds of those we’re talking to. All the time we are encouraging or discouraging, praising or chastising, saying words of love or hate, saying that we believe in them or that we don’t believe in them, telling them that we think they are intelligent or unintelligent, suggesting that they are grounded or out of touch with reality; the list goes on.
Every day we programme our partner’s mind, often inadvertently, usually without realising the impact of our words. As Napoleon Hill once said, ‘Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.’ Every day we are planting the seeds of relationship success or failure in our partner’s mind.
If you recognised the impact that a simple fleeting comment had on them and your relationship, and ultimately your happiness, would you think twice about what you said? In my recently published article ‘What Are We Programming Our Minds With?’ I talk about research into the conscious and subconscious mind that suggests external factors (stimuli) affect how we think and feel and thus our behaviour. The article discusses the importance of taking conscious control over our subconscious in order to propel us towards happiness and achievement. The question is, where are the words you say to your spouse/partner propelling them and your marriage/relationship? Think about that for a moment and answer it truthfully. If 10 is eternal marital bliss and 1 is death of the marriage, where on that scale of 1-10 are your daily words propelling your marriage? Towards marital bliss or acrimonious divorce?
Whilst you may think that angrily telling your partner that they’ve messed up will make them do better, please realise all you are programming their mind with is a mindset that tells them, I mess up, I make mistakes and anger my partner. That is the record that will be playing subconsciously, if not consciously as well. That record, like any instruction to the brain, will tell your partner’s brain to prove the statement right. When you repeatedly, angrily chastise your partner for all their mistakes, you are simply instructing their subconscious mind to make more mistakes. That is the command you are embedding deep into their psyche!
You and your partner are a team so lift each other up even when you feel down! What you say to one another embeds seeds of relationship success or failure! Programme one another with all the things you want to see a repeat of by positively reinforcing good behaviour and by praising positive results. Create a successful relationship by using positive words that focus on what you DO want from one another and the relationship.