A trip away from my husband recently reminded me of just how in love we are and yet how independent we are as a couple. Whilst at times I missed him incredibly, I was at peace as I enjoyed my independence.
Never have I not felt independent, it merely seemed a celebration of, and a reminder of, the fact that our extremely healthy relationship is based on a foundation of harmony. We live our lives and make time for each other within it. Some couples live an almost co-dependent life with their spouse or partner and then make time for themselves within that life. Do you notice the inverse approach?
The emphasis on the couple rather than the individual can bring a number of potential pitfalls for the individual as well as the relationship itself. Not for a minute am I suggesting that one should be selfish. Nor am I implying that marriage isn’t a team effort; without a doubt it is. What I am saying is that we need to be stable within ourselves without the need to use a partner as a crutch. Being aware of what defines you, being able to look after yourself mentally and physically, being able to achieve your own life goals on your own (whatever they may be), are all indicators of your own stability within.
The spouse or partner is the enhancer, but you must be the instigator of your own life and life experiences. In other words, you are the key to your own life and successes, your spouse or partner is the one to help you when you struggle to turn that key.
When you are both stable within yourselves, you will live a much more blissful life together because you are essentially independent rather than c0-dependent. You simply choose to live your independent existences in an interconnected way. As such you satisfy your own needs thereby absolving the other party of the need to fulfill every aspect of your being. Without this unnecessary pressure you can both enjoy the times you do spend together as they are then more often based on moments of pleasure rather than necessity. Besides, when you satisfy your own self and live essentially as you want to live, you are so happy within, that your marriage or partnership will inevitably have a far greater chance of also being relaxed, happy and fulfilling.
A marriage or partnership should be based on desires rather than needs for a fully rounded, positive relationship to exist.