When you’ve created a life together with someone you share almost everything with them. Your goals and aspirations. Your worries and your achievements. Your family and your friends and your house and your finances. When you are going through divorce or separation, the life you once had no longer exists. Your life is turned upside down and your emotions are all over the place.
You may feel incredibly alone, vulnerable and depressed. You may be in shock, or feeling extremely angry. You may be hoping and praying that the divorce or separation makes a u-turn and you’ll get your old life back.
If you have fully accepted that divorce or separation is inevitable then there are things you can do to help you get through the difficult times.
Get a good divorce lawyer
First the legal stuff. Do not rush into legal proceedings until you feel mentally ready to do so. When you do feel ready, approach a good family law solicitor. You’ll want a firm who will have your best interests at heart, take into account the whole picture and do a professional job. Employing the services of the right family law solicitors will alleviate much of the stress for you.
Get clear on how you feel
You need to tap into your feelings. Until you allow yourself to acknowledge and feel the emotions of your situation, no matter how painful, you cannot fully move on. You can temporarily block out the pain but in the long run you will become drained as a result. Confront the feelings. Get upset. Get angry. Get it out of your system. It will be a gradual process. The pain will continue for some time but time really does help you to heal your wounds.
If you are struggling to make sense of your feelings then try a different strategy from the one you are currently employing. Write about your pain. Write about it in a private journal. Alternatively, write a letter to your ex, say everything you want to say to them but don’t send it to them. This will allow you to really get in touch with your feelings without fear of any backlash. You might also find it useful to have a pretend conversation with your ex, imagine they are stood in front of you (when really you’re stood alone) and say aloud everything you want to say to them. Think of the word ‘closure’. What would you want to say as your final words to them, no matter how many sentences it takes? Get in touch with your feelings. It’s vital for progression from your current sad state to your new, bright, happy future.
Get support from your social network
Socialise with those close to you. Let them remind you of all the wonderful aspects of your life. Let them take your mind of things and let them help you to relax and have fun.
Get into physical activities
Walking, dancing, other cardio exercises and weight training are all physical activities that can help you to get your endorphins flowing in the brain (giving you a natural high to improve your mental state) and help you to expel negative energy, e.g. tension. Exercise of any sort (even if just dancing in your bedroom) is a brilliant way to treat symptoms of depression and any glum feelings.
Get attention from others
It may sound silly but one of the best things you can do when going through a romantic relationship break-up is getting some sexual attention from other men or women. Knowing that others find you attractive is always great for your self-esteem when going through divorce or separation. Furthermore, focusing on other romantic interests also redirects your attention from your dead past to the birth of your new future.
Get focused on your new life
Your old life is gone; your new life is there for the taking. Remove the reminders of your old life and ex-partner that are holding you back. Begin thinking about the positive prospects of your new life. If you believe in the saying that “everything happens for the best” then you will find it easier to focus on the new life path you are travelling down. Accept your situation rather than fighting it and set new goals for yourself. Perhaps there are things that you couldn’t pursue before that you can now put in your list of goals. You are exactly where you are meant to be right now. Where you go next is up to you.
Get professional help if you need it
If you need support from a professional, then get it. Relationship counselling and relationship coaching are strictly confidential services that are utilised by millions of people. No-one need know that you are seeking professional help to deal with your relationship break-up. Relationship counselling and coaching allow you time and space to get clear about your feelings and options and a life coach will help you to find the answers with you that will help you to move on, for good.
