Knowing Yourself Is The Path To Finding Your Ideal Mate
For centuries we’ve been socialised to fit ourselves into pre-determined moulds and I wonder if this is something that many of us have extrapolated to our love lives instead of thinking about who we’d best fit with ‘til death parts us.
We now seem to be living in an age of greater self-awareness and with this awareness comes choices. Previously, many choices had been made for us where we were told which set careers we should choose from and what type of partner we should seek to marry and what type of lifestyle we should live and which hours we should work and what age we should be married by and so on. Now we can make many of these choices ourselves and make them based on what fits our personality and our motivations.
Having choices can be difficult for some because it means we have to really know ourselves in order to make good decisions for our life. Having choices can also create a mental tug of war between what we want to do and what we feel others expect us to do.
Embracing our responsibility over our own life is a funny one. It brings feelings of control and empowerment, deep joy and many rewards, priceless rewards at times, but it also engenders fear of failure and can make some people feel stuck.
So when it comes to dating, how can you be in charge of making great decisions? Explore who you are so that you can build your relationships around your personality, not the other way around. To do this, asking ourselves good questions is incredibly important. So, allow me to help you! Things to think about and answer:
- What’s my personality?
- What’s very important to me? Feeling free as a bird? Feeling financially secure? Living close to family? Being adventurous? Having children by age__? Shared religious beliefs?
- What have my past romantic relationships taught me about what I like and want?
- What have my past romantic relationships taught me about what I don’t like and am not willing to put up with?
- What has my relationship with my mother taught me about me?
- What has my relationship with my father taught me about me?
- What has my parents’ relationship taught me about the sort of marriage I want?
- What have my work and life experiences taught me about me?
- What sort of person would complement my personality (not necessarily match it)?
- What sort of person would my future spouse need to be in order to allow me the things that are important to me?
This is your life so be patient with yourself as you mull the answers over. It may take a while for you to really get to the core of what sort of life partner you want as a spouse. If you rush this decision, you may make mistakes that lead to bad choices that delay your happiness. Remember, the longer you stay with the wrong partner, the less time you’ll have left with the right one when they come along.